


The Insanity of Yamaguchi Tadashi

by All_the_Queer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Doctor/Patient, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Gentleness, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Healing, Homophobia, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Mental Institutions, No beta we spike with our eyes closed, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, asylum AU, bad mental institutions, inappropriate use of straightjackets, insane asylum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:22:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27041188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_the_Queer/pseuds/All_the_Queer
Summary: Tadashi doesn't expect to find love during the darkest period of his life. But Kei finds him anyway.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	The Insanity of Yamaguchi Tadashi

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The Insanity of Mary Girard if you squint (but not set in the same time period). It's not as sad in the long-run I promise.
> 
> Idk if this should count for Graphic Depictions of Violence, but be aware if you're sensitive to that tag: *spoilers* Yamaguchi gets beat the fuck up in chapter 1.

The carriage bumped and jostled onto a dirt road. The straightjacket tightened. He wanted to fight, but somehow couldn’t find the strength. As soon as he’d been tackled to the ground in his own home not an hour before, Tadashi knew he had already lost. His arms hurt. He was pretty sure bruises were forming on his elbows and face. Guards sat on either side, caging him in. He tried not to think of how he got here. He didn’t want to cry.

The carriage came to a stop and Tadashi closed his eyes. _This can’t be happening._

“Get out.” He was ordered, a large hand gripping his arm so hard it cut off circulation.

“No.” He still had his dignity. Maybe not for much longer. “I want to go home.” That was a lie. However, he would prefer home to being here. Anywhere but here.

Four hands snatched at his shoulders and head. He was pulled from the carriage and forced to his feet. He stumbled, new wing-tipped shoes scuffed by the rocky ground.

“Please.” He whispered, straightjacket cutting into his skin. “I want to go home.”

A firm hand tapped his shoulder, prodding him to walk forward. “This is for your own good.”

Tadashi stood his ground, poised to run. “You can’t do this. My mother left me that house. I own it.”

“Your father will maintain full custody of your belongings while you’re away.”

Tadashi knew this. Tears still welled despite himself. He sniffed. “Please.”

The hand on his shoulder softened, but didn’t let go. “Just come inside. We’ll get this sorted out.”

Tadashi knew it was a trap. There was nothing to discuss as far as they were concerned. He finally looked up at the gothically horrific building before him. His fate had been sealed without his consent. But it occurred to him that the saddest thing about this whole affair was he had nowhere else to go.

Tadashi let himself be guided through the iron doors.

***

Papers rustled on the desk before him. A hairy man flipped through them with his sausage fingers. He was talking. Tadashi barely listened. “--Your father has suggested two years’ stay. During that time you will be cared for and given treatment here.”

Yamaguchi hugged himself tighter beneath the straightjacket. “I understand.”

The man looked down his nose. He reclined back into his chair and tapped his knuckles on the desk as if to say _well then, it’s decided!_

“Thank you, but I won’t be needing treatment.” Tadashi said politely.

“That’s not what we heard.” The man flipped through his stack of papers again. “Your fiance--”

Tadashi tried to remain calm. What did they know? Had she told them? Of course she had. “Please--”

“Tadashi, I promise it will help.”

“But there’s nothing wrong with--”

“If you don’t calm down, I’ll have to call security.” He threatened.

“No! Wait--”

***

Tadashi was dragged down a hall, kicking and screaming.

A large needle poked into his neck and he slipped into unconsciousness.

***

When he awoke, he was alone.

He looked down at bare feet. His wing-tipped shoes were gone.

His hands were free though.

He grasped for his mother’s pocket watch. It always helped with his anxiety. Like she was still watching over him even in his darkest hours. His fingers brushed over where his breast pocket should have been. Except it wasn’t there. He wasn’t in his suit anymore. He was in a canvas medical gown. It scratched against his skin.

His clothes were gone. Tadashi wondered if he would ever see his favorite suit again. Everything in it, too. His mother’s pocket watch. His identification. His billfold containing money and photographs. Not even a scrap of lint to his name now.

_This can’t be happening._

He curled into himself, hugging his own knees.

_This can’t be happening._

***

Tadashi sat. He didn’t know what else to do.

He got up to put on some slippers he found in the corner of the room.

He sat back down.

He sat for a long time.

He didn’t know how long.

The creek of a metal lock roused him.

He looked towards the single door in this tiny, square hell.

The bolts from the other side and the door came undone and it swung open.

A woman came into his room.

“Are you Tadashi?”

“Without my identification card I don’t know anymore.” He spat.

She crossed over to him.

Tadashi recoiled, wary of any more surprise needles. “What do you want?”

“Meal-time. I’ll show you to the cafeteria.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

They walked down the hall. It was daytime. Tadashi hadn’t guessed that.

He passed others on the way there. They seemed dead. Or almost dead. “Please,” He choked out. “I don’t want to be here.”

She didn’t turn around. Her heels clip-clopped briskly and Tadashi struggled to keep up. “It’s not so bad.”

He watched his own slippers slap the ground.

“You’ll be given treatment. You’ll get better. You’ll go home.” She said simply.

“But there’s nothing wro--”

“You’ve been evaluated. Medication will start next week. We’ll fix you.”

The blood drained from Tadashi’s face. “What?”

She opened a door and scrutinized him as he walked through. “Dr. Pritchard is wonderful with people of your affliction.”

_I don’t wanna be fixed. I wanna go home._

“It’ll work, don’t worry. You’ll be better in no time.” She hurried him along.

_Two years. What would they do to him for two whole years?_

“This way.”

She opened another door and Tadashi was dumped into a populated cafeteria.

She began explaining how meals worked. Tadashi tried his best not to cry.

Once he had been given a sparsely-filled plate, the woman abandoned him. Tadashi scanned the room on his own, fingers twitching anxiously. He reached for his mother’s pocket watch. It wasn’t there. He breathed through his nose, trying to concentrate on calming down.

A tall blond man with glasses caught his eye. An immediate spark of electrical connection blossomed in his chest.

_What is this?_

The blond sat reading all by himself with a similar plate of untouched food before him. Tadashi couldn’t stop his eyes tracing the way the blond cradled his head carefully while reading. It was captivating in a way Tadashi couldn’t describe.

_I feel like… we’ve met before._

Against his better judgement, Tadashi approached. Without speaking, he plopped down. This was the only empty table left anyway. Yeah, that would be his excuse if he was asked.

But he wasn’t asked.

The man just side-eyed him and kept reading.

Tadashi picked at his food.

“New?” The man asked without looking up.

Tadashi nodded.

The two ate in silence.

***

Tadashi looked forward to meal-times. He couldn’t explain it but the mysterious friend felt safe. Safer than anywhere else in this place. And he didn’t even know the guy’s name. Still.

In his room, he had a thin veil of pretend privacy. Unannounced visitors would come, even when he was getting dressed. The only notice he got was the metal grind of the door being unlocked. He would be poked and prodded and asked invasive questions.

“Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He would feign innocence. There was _nothing_ wrong with him. He would cling to this simple idea until he died, Tadashi decided.

“You’re being difficult.” They would warn.

He would shrug. Sometimes even hold out his arm in defiance so they could stick him more easily and send him back into the darkness of forced sleep.

But soon it escalated. Instead of needles, disciplinary actions began to follow these meetings. It could be any number of things. It wouldn’t break him, though. He wouldn’t talk to them. There was _nothing wrong_ with him.

Meal-times were good, though. He’d still never talked to the man beyond that initial word.

Still, Tadashi felt protected. No questions. No needles. No punishments.

They just ate together. And that was all. It was a snippet of sanity in his lonely days.

No one ever sat with the blond, and yet he was always there. Reading, alone. It only took Tadashi a few days to realize that the blond had a sort of aura that kept others away. _But not me._

Tadashi started taking longer and longer to finish his food just to have an excuse to sit in that protective bubble with his friend a little longer.

As soon as Tadashi finished and got up to leave, scrutiny returned and he would feel watchful eyes on him. He cleared his plate and left the blond.

He spent some time in the garden, watched heavily.

He couldn’t enjoy it.

Tadashi returned to his room, hearing keys jingle and door locking behind him.

***

Soon enough, “you’re being difficult” became his least favorite phrase. It was usually the precursor to being punished.

The disciplinary measures got steadily worse. Today, he was held down while a guard laid fists into Tadashi’s face.

Blood pooled in his mouth.

Adrenaline kicked in and he didn’t feel the pain, but twisted to the side, trying to keep his nose in-tact. He managed to stay silent throughout, only spitting a glob of red onto the floor instead of crying.

“Tadashi, we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what’s wrong.” Someone else said angrily.

He didn’t answer, only coughed. The click of something hitting the ground, then a flare of pain in his mouth.

“You’re being difficult.”

He hung his head and waited for the punishment to end so he could sleep.

***

Tadashi awoke and his face hurt. He immediately felt tired.

Induced sleep wasn’t exactly the best way to rest. Not that he knew what real rest felt like anymore.

He shuffled up from his bed. The bed he’d been beaten on. He knew it couldn’t be trusted, especially not when there were clearly-visible straps that had been installed a few days ago. He couldn’t bear to think about being cuffed down.

His foot kicked something small and it skidded across the room.

A tooth.

 _His_ tooth.

_So that’s what hit the ground earlier._

He turned his back and beelined for the now-familiar corner where he’d discovered he had a clear view of both the bed and the door, just in case.

When everything remained silent, he tenderly touched his nose. Still unbroken for all he could tell. He sighed in relief. He moved on to his lips. They were swollen and wouldn’t close fully. He winced and felt dried blood.

He checked the rest of himself slowly. His left cheek hurt, probably a bruise. His shoulders and wrists hurt from being pinned down. But nothing compared to the flaming pain in his mouth. Probably where that tooth had come from. He gingerly stuck fingers between his tender lips and felt for a hole.

A clinking of keys in his door made him recoil and hug his knees.

A nurse entered. She looked him up and down. “Meal-time.”

She led him to the cafeteria and Tadashi paid close attention to his feet landing silently on the floor. He was working on avoiding eyes and taking up less space by appearing smaller and walking quietly.

The door swung open and he scanned the room for his friend. _There._

Tadashi took a plate and utensils before scrambling over to where the blond was already sitting. His usual table. _Their_ usual table.

Tadashi sat down, heart already calming.

The blond flicked his eyes up in greeting. Except he didn’t look back down at his book.

Tadashi winced. _No, no. Don’t look at me. Keep reading._

The blond’s eyes slid back to his book and Tadashi let out a breath.

He tried eating. But when he finally was able to open his mouth wide enough without hurting himself, the fork brushed over a split in his lip and Tadashi sucked in a breath. He attempted getting food past his bruised lips a few more times before giving up. He sniffed and placed his fork down on the table.

He resolved to just watch the blond. He peered up and noticed a pair of golden eyes already on him.

Tadashi jumped.

The blond regarded him with an unreadable expression.

Tadashi looked back down to his food again. _Please stop. Just go back to normal._

The blond closed his book and put it into his pocket. He got up and started walking.

Tadashi’s heart sank.

There was a soft tug on his sleeve.

His head shot up and Tadashi noticed his friend hadn’t left him after all.

He motioned for Tadashi to follow.

In awe, he obeyed slowly, careful of his injuries.

His friend waited patiently.

They walked out of the cafeteria.

A nurse stopped them. But the blond said a few words, pointed to Tadashi, and--surprisingly--the nurse stepped back. No one else stopped them.

 _What’s happening? Some kind of weird dream?_ They turned the opposite direction of his room and walked. Suddenly they were passing halls Tadashi had never seen before. All the rooms were locked. Tadashi made the mistake of peering into one that had a reinforced straightjacket hung beside it. It was an empty padded cell.

After what felt like hours of winding corridors, he was stopped in front of a small room. The blond unlocked it with a ring of keys.

 _Keys?_ Tadashi’s eyes welled as he realized his friend was a nurse here. He’d befriended one of his captors. His only friend was going to hurt him now. Probably for not eating.

Tadashi was rooted to the spot. He plucked up the courage to speak. “I don’t want to be put into a padded cell.” His lips hurt and his mouth ached from the effort.

“Don’t worry.” The blond murmured. “It’s only a bathroom.”

Tadashi peeked in.

He seemed to be telling the truth. Next to impressively clean walls, there was a bathtub on his right, a toilet on his left, and a few sinks across from the door.

What kind of punishment was this?

Tadashi shifted his weight nervously.

The blond sighed, but he didn’t sound mad. Instead, he began looking for something in the corner of the room.

Tadashi watched him curiously, ready to bolt at the slightest hint of danger. It most likely wouldn’t matter if he ran, but he wouldn’t go down without a fight.

The blond found what he was looking for and fiddled with a sink. When he was done, he turned to face Tadashi.

In his hands was a washcloth, newly wet.

He gently blotted it against Tadashi’s lips. Pain shot through him as his teeth caught on a wound.

Tadashi yelped softly.

The blond pulled back. “Sorry.”

Tadashi shook his head. _I don’t know what kind of punishment this is but please stop. Just let me go back to my room._

“Come on.” The blond carefully laced his hand through Tadashi’s fingers.

 _What?_ Tadashi let himself be led into the room, too distracted by the warmth in his palm to resist.

The blond let him go and shut the door, pulling out his ring of keys to lock it.

Tadashi panicked. At a loss, he began apologizing. “I’m sorry I--”

The blond shushed him. He motioned for Tadashi to come over to the sink.

He did. He didn’t know why.

The blond placed the washcloth under the stream, squeezing out a bit of Tadashi’s blood before speaking, “where does it hurt?”

Tadashi just shook his head. This was a trap, he just didn’t know how yet. “But I didn’t do anything.”

A hand settled lightly on his shoulder. “Here?”

Tadashi shook his head ‘no.’

The hand crept to the back of his neck. “Here?”

Tadashi revelled in the gentle touch. “No.”

The blond nodded and used the hand to tilt Tadashi’s head back. He blotted the washcloth over Tadashi’s neck.

He jumped a bit. The cloth soothing against his heated skin.

“Here?”

“No.”

It swiped over one side of his neck, thoroughly cooling him. He sighed in relief. No punishment. Not yet.

His head was tilted to the other side and the action was repeated. Tadashi’s vision became blurry with tears. _What is this? Why are you doing this?_

He was released and he watched as the washcloth was soaked and wrung out. Blood must have dried down his neck without him realizing because red washed down the drain.

The blond cradled Tadashi’s neck again, this time tilting his face up to look directly into golden eyes.

Tadashi’s breath stopped.

He was caught off-guard and squeaked when the cold cloth ran along his jawline. The cloth retreated.

“Hurts?”

Tadashi ignored the ache of his missing tooth flaring to life and shook his head ‘no.’

“Okay.” The cloth continued its path, lightly scrubbing his jaw and ears.

Then it brushed his cheekbone and Tadashi yelped.

“Here?”

He nodded glumly.

“Okay.” The touches became softer and he barely felt them at all.

But he was released again and he watched as more red washed down the drain.

Tadashi wrung his hands. This was some next-level torture. Why would they do this? Make his friend care for him like this? Was he about to be hurt worse than ever before?

Fingers wove through the hair at the back of his neck, softly positioning him again.

“Here?” He carefully swabbed across Tadashi’s lips.

Tadashi cried out, water searing into the splits in his skin. His toes curled, trying not to kick the man in front of him.

“It’s okay. Just bear with me.”

He closed his eyes and breathed hard through his nose as the blond dabbed at his mouth.

The washcloth was removed for only a few seconds before it returned and Tadashi tasted soap. Fingers slid out of his hair and around to his lips. “This isn’t going to be fun.”

Tadashi’s hands fisted in his gown to ground him. Fingers pried his lips open and Tadashi whimpered. The cloth swabbed around the inside of his lips and new pain blossomed in his mouth, mixing with the soapy taste. Tadashi just breathed.

“There.” He let go and Tadashi relaxed.

A cup was thrust into his hands. Tadashi tried not to drop it.

“Rinse.” The blond pulled him over to the sink.

Tadashi sipped and slowly worked the water around his mouth before letting it dribble into the basin.

The cup was snatched away and refilled before it was given back. “Again.”

He repeated the slow motion, careful of his throbbing lips.

“You should wait to heal a little before eating.”

Tadashi nodded. Silence.

The blond looked like he had more to say.

Tadashi remained quiet, listening.

“I’m Kei.”

“Tadashi.”

The blond eyed him. “I’ll check back in on you tomorrow with some morphine for the pain.” He started walking towards the door.

Tadashi forced himself to speak. “So you’re a nurse?”

Kei stopped. “Doctor, actually.”

Tadashi’s stomach dropped. “Then why?”

He looked back in confusion.

“You’re not going to hurt me?” Tadashi asked, small.

Kei’s eyebrows tilted up. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He agreed.

Tadashi’s head spun. “Then why…?”

The blond thought for a moment. “You’re good company.” He decided.

A flush rose in Tadashi’s cheeks, pleasantly warming his whole face. “Oh.”

“Come on.” Kei held the door open for him.

“Okay.” He scurried after the doctor.

They walked silently back towards his room along the same winding halls.

Even though Tadashi was walking behind him, he could feel the pure intensity rolling off the other man as they journeyed back to his room and he knew the view must be terrifying. He was happy at the way the other staff seemed to avoid them because of it. It gave Tadashi some room to breathe.

When they arrived, Kei unlocked the door and waited for Tadashi to step inside.

“Thanks.” He said weakly.

Kei shrugged. “See you tomorrow.”

Tadashi settled into his corner.

Kei gave him one last look before closing the door and locking it.

“See you tomorrow.” He mumbled happily to himself as he drifted off to a natural sleep for the first time since he’d arrived.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, let me know if there are any mistakes and what you liked about it so I know what to include in future fics! Where do you think the story is headed? :)


End file.
